


It’s hard, Rose.

by etherealllucrezia



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Steven Universe - Freeform, basically just an emotional letter, filling the f/f tag one fic at a time, no beta we die like men, theres no actual pearl x rose though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-05-28
Packaged: 2020-03-26 12:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19005946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealllucrezia/pseuds/etherealllucrezia
Summary: Pearl writes a letter to Rose.





	It’s hard, Rose.

My Dear Rose Quartz,

You’ve been gone an awfully long time. I’ve missed you. We all have. 

Ever since you’ve been gone, Everything has been difficult, it feels like one marathon at a time. Raising a child, keeping ourselves steady, trying to move on without you... It’s just as challenging as those days we spent on that battlefield. Yet, the Crystal Gems is as large as its ever been, and now, it’s no longer fighting to save Earth.

Me and Amethyst grew apart. You leaving... We all took it differently, but me and Amethyst collided. She didn’t think it was true, and I knew that it was. We used to be closely knit, now we’re tangles and knots. You created a barrier between us though, it was our fault we refused to even try for be longest time. It took Steven for us to finally just talk.

I’ve found that talking is a much needed but very difficult thing to do. Something I never did. My feelings never mattered. I went on for millennia never voicing my opinions. Never saying how I felt. Silenced. Unlike Garnet or Amethyst, I can’t just open up. It’s in my gemetics. Ah. Did you like that pun? It’s one from Steven. He and Amethyst do love their play on words. He’s always had a way with words. He knows what to say and when to say it. 

Garnet and I have had our differences, she’s always learning about who she is. You convinced her she shouldn’t doubt who she was, and she never doubted who you were. I guess that why, when she found out you lied, she fell apart. You’ve been gone so long; it feels like eons since we found her in that rose garden. Sometimes, I feel jealousy. I wish I had what she had. From the moment of their meeting, they knew they belonged. They got married? Did you know that? I suppose... It took her breaking down for every piece of her to finally fit just right.

We found Bismuth in Lion. I suppose you saved her from the Damage from the Diamonds. She was only apart of the Crystal gems for a short period, and so the fact you were Pink didn’t hit her as hard. I only knew her for a while, but I missed her so. Do you know how relieving it is too see another face of our own? I thought we had lost everyone to corruption. I’m glad time flies in a bubble, otherwise time would’ve been a prison for her.

Lapis, well she’s a different story. She lived in that mirror for thousands of years. We didn’t let her out, we weren’t sure if she was alive, we were scared. We left her in a pile and forgot about her. She had every right to hate us. But she joined us. She helped us derail the Diamonds’ plans to destroy the Earth. She lived in a barn with Peridot for the longest of time, healing. Time was her prison, yet she needed it to heal.

Now Peridot? That one is quite a riot. She has this unearned hubris and reckless nature. Yet, she’s incredibly intelligent. You would adore her. She and Amethyst are alike in their sense of unpredictability (and height!).

And well, Steven’s been here. He’s... well, he’s wonderful. 

He’s just like you. He wants to help everybody, he has compassion for everything. He loves everything just like you do. 

But, every time I look at him, it hurts. It hurts because I love him and when I see him smile, I’m reminded that in order to gain him I had to lose you. That his radiant smile could never coexist with yours, yet even as I look into his, I see you. Maybe it’s because he’s your son, or I miss you, or I’m nostalgic. It’s hard to know, Rose. Humans are so complicated and strange and yet you made one like it was nothing. How did you do it? How did you make something- someone so amazing? 

It’s hard, Rose, because every time I look at him, every time he smiles, every minute I spend with him, every day he’s alive, I find it harder to say I want you back. I miss you, but when you left you gave us memories. If you never left, we’d have nothing of Steven. I don’t know if I how I’d live with that.

I spent millennia trying to get your attention, but you knew, didn’t you? You knew that I was still stuck as a pearl. I still couldn’t let go of my purpose, what I was made to be. You knew I only loved you because it was my ‘purpose’. But now you aren’t here, and I don’t have a ‘purpose’. 

Thank you. It was hard. However, if you ever reciprocated my feelings, I know I would never have escaped that toxic mentality. But shit, I wish you would’ve just acknowledged me, I wish you would’ve at least told me you wouldn’t love me, because deep down I didn’t love you for myself. But now, I’m free from that. Now, I do love you. It just took losing you to realise I didn’t need you. 

You lied to everyone. You forced me to keep quiet about it. You hurt people. Sometimes I wonder if your decisions were the right ones. Some say your morals were forever within the grayscale. But I know that really, you just made mistakes. You were so human and some just don’t understand that.

I wonder if it took Greg for you to finally understand humanity. Once you did, you two made Steven, who taught all of us how to understand humanity. And we taught the others and the Diamonds about humanity. He’s only fourteen... Can you believe it? Just mere years after Steven was born, he helped us unite the Diamond Authority and the Crystal Gems. We did it. We won.

It’s hard living without you, it is. But you gave us Steven, you gave us a home, you gave us *eachother* and I don’t know how to thank you for that. I don’t think I can. Maybe you’re watching, maybe you aren’t. But I think either way, we’ll be okay.

Ever missing you,  
Pearl.

**Author's Note:**

> Didn’t want to write ‘Ever yours’.


End file.
